Tuesday, October 16, 2012

10 12 12 The Worst Games of This Generation

There are some things that are completely unforgivable. for us gamers, it's terrible games. games that get under our skin and force us to bury the game in the darkest recesses of mind and pretend it never happened in the first place. these are the things that keep gamers up at night.

here's a few  that i've played during this console cycle.

1)Army of Two: The 40th Day--  after playing the first installment, i saw promise in a sequel and a possible franchise. When i heard that there was another Ao2 game on the way,  i was stoked, but i found it funny that i hadn't heard much about it.

there was reason for that.

the Faults: the game is very short, maybe about 8 levels, and you're pretty much fighting waves of some generic goon para-military outfit called "The 40th Day". the game tries to be edgy, starting the game trying to escape a building that's been shot with a missile (9-11 anyone?) and some other slightly more interesting areas of play. they tried to install a fate/karma/decision system where your decision affect gameplay and you see the outsome of all possible futures, which when playing pretty much tells you that you can't make a good decision if your life depends on it.

additionally, the franchise hits its low point when the main characters make reference to a time when they were drunk and they sneaked into a zoo to commit "an act of bestiality with an endangered species". any respect i had built for these protagonists is gone with that one joke.

the combat is mindless with no real upgrades to the system, multiplayer feels like a sad attempt at something that could've been good. making your own masks for the game was a neat idea, but requires too much effort on the computer and linking the game and the pc is a total waste of time.

i've heard there's another installment out soon, but i'm going to wait.

2) Leisure Suit Larry: Box Office Bust-- i've never been a fan of the franchise, but after the unbridled success of the last installment i played (magna cum laude), i was hopeful. consider that crushed.

the faults: the whole premise is bad. you're a nephew of the great larry, and working at a movie studio. all jokes are dated and barely get a good laugh anymore. the voice actors are all top notch people you recognize from other things, but the script is just terrible.  tasks are nearly impossible because of the crappy camera angles and shoddy sloppy controls.

i stopped playing it, there will not be another time i'll play it...ever.

3)Duke Nukem Forever--  in the late 1990's Duke Nukem 3d took the spotlight from all FPSs at the time...for about 15 minutes. don't get me wrong, DN3D was awesome, and i still own the disks and the usermaps i made for the game.

Duke Nukem Forever is not the way i want to remember Duke. Duke deserves better.

The Faults: a 14 year design cycle doomed this game from the start. the game is horribly stuck in the late 1990s. bad jokes, juvenile humor, and content that appears more humorous than sexy. level design is too linear for this generation of consoles. also, duke nukem is supposed to be a walking arsenal, not limited to holding two weapons at any time. locations are ridiculous at best. it feels like your playing an old relic of a game rather than something new. And load times...geez... this game got so many harsh bad reviews that companies were threatening to withhold future games for review.

if this is duke's finale, then its a terrible way to remember this icon. if they make another game, god help us all... duke nukem Forever= DNF= definitely not fun

4) Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard-- if duke nukem forever was sad because it was a Duke nukem game, then matt hazard is sad because it's not. it's a first person shooter that makes fun of the whole genre, designed to parody. and it does a horrible  job at that too.

the faults:  terrible graphics for this generation. AI is dumb, running to spots before attacking. levels that have no feeling of life whatsoever. lame voice acting and repetition. terrible soundtrack. aggravation of feeling more like a puzzle game than a free roaming FPS. crappy controls

the only good things about this game is that the trophies/achievements are easy to get. pause the game, get a trophy. i knew what i was getting into when i got it from the bargain bin.

Other Games (Not Pictured, because i tossed them to the vultures.)

X-Blades--  i had to do a bit of research on this one, and it sounded ok, so i went to pick it up at the local "Stop of Games" (you know  the name. but i don't want to say it here) anyway, when i saw that they had one copy, and it was their release day for the game, that should've been a flag to walk away.

we have a generic anime girl with anime/tomb raider powers who is barely wearing clothes. ok. we have a really lame plotline to get us from point a to point b, check. we have overly animated powers that really dont do much, ok. and we have hack and slash...all hack and slash...

the control were soggy, the camera angles caused motion sickness when lock-on was active. the fights were lackluster. areas of play were badly designed and were made worse by the poor controls.

i sold this game back in the first week. i saw  it on g4 as one of the worst games of the year. there is another game out that is "based on the spirit of x-blades" called blades of destiny/or time/ or some other generic crap. don't buy it. forget it never existed.

LAIR-- a ps3 exclusive POS that demanded use of the sixaxis controls. if warhawk did it right. this one did it wrong. horrific controls really prevented me from liking this game. which is really sad, because the game was gorgeous in its graphics.

later they put out a patch for new control, but at that point it was too late for me, because the game was already long gone. sad really. thought fighting dragons while being a dragon rider would've been cooler than it was .

that's all folks. back to the goodness of gaming.


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